How to Handle Pressure In Hockey (The Truth About High Expectations, Pressure, and Fear)

I am going to tell you something that might make you a little angry right now.

Pressure does not really exist.

Pressure is an illusion.

It is made up.

Are you angry at me yet?

I know what you are thinking.

I can hear that voice in your mind arguing with me right now.

Don't worry, I am not going to take away the ability to feel pressure from you.

I understand that what I am saying sounds totally crazy.

But give me a few minutes to explain...

It might just change your mind forever!

Breaking My Belief

When I first heard the idea that "pressure is an illusion" I thought the same thing.

"How could pressure not exist? I feel it all the time!"

Then I heard someone explain a story like this one:

Let's imagine two players going into a hockey game.

They both have a dream of playing division 1 NCAA hockey.

They both would love to play on a top team and both have the dream of playing for the University of Denver.

Before the game, Player A is told that the entire coaching staff for U of D is there to watch him play, so he had better have a good game!

Player B is told nothing of the coaching staff being there and just assumes this is another game where he will get a chance to perform.

Let's assume player A and player B both have the mental ability to still get dialled in for every game.

If you need help with being dialled for every game, we have a more in depth training here CLICK HERE.

Player A goes out and feels the pressure to perform.

He thinks that he has his dream school to impress.

He feels the tension in his body, he feels the weight of the eyes on him.

Player A finds himself getting in his head and slamming his stick when he makes a mistake.

We can all guess that Player A probably didn't play his best hockey.

Now let's look at Player B.

Player B knows nothing about the scouts, so he goes out and plays like he normally does.

He still has that all-out intensity because he has the mental ability to do it.

He plays in the moment each shift, he makes a few mistakes, but he doesn't worry about them.

He bounces back quickly after each mistake.

He has a great game and ends up talking to the U of D coaches after the game who were very impressed!

The Illusion

Do you see the illusion now?

Each player was in the exact same situation, yet they lived in separate worlds.

The reason things changed was because one player created a 'story' in his mind that he needed to perform well for the scouts.

The other player was in the same situation, but he did not construct the same 'story' because he didn't even know the team was there.

Their minds both constructed their experience.

Of course, we are all telling ourselves a story about the meaning of this game, and why we are doing it.

But some stories we tell ourselves create pressure, and some do not.

Do you see how the pressure Player A felt came from his mind?

What if after the game Player A found out that there were no scouts in the stands after all and that it was just a lie his coach told him to try to motivate him?

The pressure he created would have been for nothing right?

The anxiety, the tension would have all been created by the story he told himself.

The story is the illusion.

The Source Of Pressure

Pressure arises from the ego.

When I say "ego" I mean that voice in your head.

This is the thing you are referring to when you say "I want this, or that".

The ego is your sense of self or "I".

In some teachings, it's called 'the mind'.

It's that voice in your head that doesn't trust what I am telling you right now haha.

When you feel pressure, it is your ego's attempt at protecting you.

Pressure is actually a form of fear.

If you felt no fear of anything, then there would be no pressure created.

Fear is a strong feeling that arises when we sense a possible danger or threat.

There is a mix of various neurochemicals, and hormones that all fire off in our body when we feel fear.

We would think this fear would only come out when we see a bear, or stand at the edge of a cliff.

Of course, when there is physical danger, it helps us recognize danger and respond accordingly.

When we feel fear, our body gets ready to either run away or defend itself.

This is often called: "the fight, flight or freeze response".

It helped our ancestors survive by avoiding dangerous situations by either:

• Attacking the danger.

• Running away from the danger.

• Freezing and hoping the danger leaves us alone or misses us.

The challenge we face now is that this response occurs when we face another type of danger.

A danger that we create more so in our mind.

It is the thread of damage to the 'ego' or self.

We feel fear when we sense a threat to either:

1. Our physical body

2. Our sense of self

Protection of the ego or self is something we create in our minds.

The fear attempts to:

Protect you from loss.

Protecting you from failure.

Protection from embarrassment.

Protection of your "Identity".

You feel pressure because you want to protect the 'Identity' of you being a:

- Great hockey player

- Goal scorer

- Great defensemen

It's the same thing you feel when someone says you are a 'bad person' and you feel the need to defend yourself.

Or when someone chirps you on the ice about your skates and you feel the need to chirp back.

Is Some Fear Good?

Small amounts of fear actually wake us up.

But too much fear makes us freeze up and prevents us from getting into that flow state where we play our best.

The Right Amount of Fear

Now I am not saying that fear is all bad.

Some fear can be a good thing. Some fear can wake us up.

But it's when we feel too much fear that we then we go into freeze mode.

Instead before a game, we want to get a little bit of that fight mode so that we wake our system up.

Here is Steven Kotler (one of the world's leading researchers in the flow state) explaining this:

After hearing Steven break that down, it will make more sense when Jon Jones has to say below.

Listen to Jon Jones (Arguably the best MMA fighter of all time) break down his relationship to fear.

You can see how he is not terrified of getting punched or hurt, but he uses fear to motivate him to do what he wants.

He uses the story to improve performance.

I find this to be a very interesting interview with Jon Jones.

Here is what he said:

Question: Do you fight with fear? Fear of losing, fear of anything going wrong, or fear of yourself?

"Yeah, we all fight with fear. You know, at the end of the day, I walked into a fight one day with not many scars, and I came out with scars on my face. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror before leaving your hotel for a fight, you realize that you may not look the same for the rest of your life when you come back. That’s scary. Being humiliated on national TV is scary. Setting a goal, giving your all, and then coming up short – that’s scary. But that’s what makes it great. That’s what makes you give your all to the project. I think my fear is why I've done so well."

Question You mentioned fear about going into the cage – the scars, the humiliation – but also, brain injury. Is that a big fear?

"Well, it’s not a gigantic fear. Like I said, fear drives you not to get hit. Fear drives you to do the extra work on your defense. Fear makes you pick the right fights. But brain injury is a real thing. It’s something I consider because I appreciate being able to articulate my emotions and feelings, and I want to keep it that way. I’m more than just a fighter; I have daughters to raise."

Do you think fighters don’t take it as seriously as they should?

"A lot don’t, but some do. On my own team, I have guys who giggle when they get punched in the face. I’ve never found it funny."

Pressure Is ONLY In The Mind

No matter what pressure you feel, it is created by your mind.

There could be a massive bear in front of you about to attack, but if you did not see it, or hear it, then you would not be scared.

There would be no way to know there was something there that was dangerous.

Now what about if we see the danger? Is it possible to not feel fear in a position of danger?

The answer is yes.

As Jon Jones mentioned some fighters actually like to get punched and smile when they get hit.

Cave divers learn to calm themselves down when diving into very deep levels and could die if they lost air.

Or Navy seals who are in life and death situations and they do their job just like in training.

Handling Pressure

Get To The Source

There are many techniques one can use to try to manage fear in the moment.

Fundamentally it's about the story we tell ourselves.

But, I believe the key is to find the source of the fear.

One should try to understand why the pressure gets to them.

https://youtube.com/shorts/o3snoWQ2VjY?si=w6bYstycAsp8LtwU

The reason you want to get to the source is because fear is kind of like having a cut on your body.

If you have a cut, you can wipe away the blood that has dripped down from it.

But wiping this blood will not stop the bleeding.

When you find the source of the bleeding, you can stop the bleeding.

This is the mistake most players make when it comes to handling pressure they seek to 'handle it' when the pressure arises.

They seek to wipe it away.

Rarely do they ask 'Where is this coming from?'

Often they do not ask this question because they do not want to find out the truth.

They do not want to discover what they are scared of.

But that is what I am telling you to do.

That is where the fear is bleeding from.

If you want to stop feeling such intense pressure, you must find the source of it.

If you want to tap into your best performances you cannot have overwhelming fear take you over.

Of course, the goal is not to remove all fear.

Yes, it is possible to remove all fear.

I myself have not done it.

Some people have gotten close to removing most of their fear (as we mentioned above).

But it is very possible that some fear my actually be beneficial for your athletic success (as Jon Jones mentioned that some fear can help you train harder, and smarter and care more about avoiding the thing you have some fear of).

It's still not 100% clear what is the best option.

But of course, finding the source of the fear is not easy.

This is not comfortable.

But it is the truth.

Not my truth.

But the truth of where you're fear comes from.

And when you do find the source of the bleeding, you will be ready for next week's lesson.

Yes, I know you want me to give you the answer, but if I do, I will rob you of learning the lesson for yourself.

Action Steps

Take 30 minutes each day for the next 7 days and ask yourself:

• What am I scared of?

• What do I not want to happen?

• Where is this pressure coming from?

• Who are you afraid of?

Sit in silence.

Have no distractions.

Place a notebook and a pen beside you.

Note down what you discover and bring it with you to our next lesson.

I will see you in the next letter.